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Saturday, September 17, 2011

Expectations

This hasn't been the best of weeks, but fortunately it hasn't been the worst either! Do you have those annoying weeks where nothing works quite right? The computer seems slower than usual. The check you're waiting for still hasn't come. The weather's been muggy. You don't want to step on the scale because you're pretty sure you've eaten just enough junk food to nudge your weight upward.
But it hasn't been a week devoid of pleasure either. That aforementioned junk food sure tasted good. You had a fun time or two with your spouse. You accomplished a few dozen little things.
But you didn't get anything big accomplished. You look back on all the work you did and wonder why? Why so little accomplished when you faced so many annoyances all week long and you really did work hard?
You had a 'life for real week'. It's been disappointing because of your expectations not because of your circumstances.
We want to live on the mountaintop; we know we'll spend time in the valley; we don't expect to spend most of our time travelling between the two.
I think that's why those 'blah' kine weeks are so unsettling. We know that suffering builds character because that's what the bible promised, so we actually learn to handle the really tough times (and thank God that they're not tougher than they are) and we look for those times that we accomplish something 'real' because they assure us that our character is indeed growing. But what the heck do all those minor annoyances accomplish?
One thing they reminded me of this week is that I have a tendency to expect perfection from myself. I'm okay with the imperfections of others (unless they're really imperfect!) but I hold myself to unrealistic expectations. If I'm becoming more Christ-like, I shouldn't be annoyed by anything, should I? Once the computer sticks its tongue out at me when I tell it to open my Outlook, I am annoyed. That expectation of being unflappable is destroyed. I am not Christ-like. I have failed. That opens the door to greater annoyance, even anger.
I'm beginning to see that before I can truly become Christ-like, I have to become realistic about my humanity. While I am being perfected, I am not perfect. I won't always respond perfectly to every situation. That doesn't mean I'm not a Christian, it just means I'm still on my journey. I need to give myself the grace to fail and get back up again, even when it's just a minor annoyance that caused me to fail.

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